Thursday, February 28, 2013

365 Jobs: Player Piano


June 1984, September 1986

On the phone he'd said, "This will be a delicate job." 

Gordon greeted me in his driveway, where he had been standing, waiting, wearing a pinstripe suit.  Immediately he ushered me into the house where a coldly furious woman sat at a table.  "This is my wife, soon to be my ex," Gordon said.  "She has the list.  Do whatever she says."  Then he departed.

It was a large house in Los Altos Hills, a pricey suburb.  There they'd raised six children, of whom the youngest two were still in college.  Gordon's soon-to-be-ex sat at the table with a pen and a pad of paper.  She wrote down my every action — for later haggling in Divorce Court, I imagine.  To her credit, she offered me a glass of milk and a cup of decaf coffee.  I accepted both.  I scrupulously avoided conversation.  I had the distinct impression that anything I said could and would be used against me — or more likely, against Gordon, who had hired me and was paying the bill and who, I admit, had my complete sympathy.  For all I knew, she might be a lovely woman, but fury is ugly. 

I repaired walls, doors, floors — the innocent damage inflicted by six growing children over a thirty year span.  It took three days, and the soon-to-be-ex monitored my every moment.

Later, Gordon called me to settle the bill and to say, "I want to thank you for entering a tough situation and doing a good job.  And for being who you are."

Two years later — September, 1986 — he hired me again.  He had a townhouse to remodel.  He seemed many years older.  He had glaucoma and a limp.  He still wore a pinstripe suit.  He explained his job to me: “When someone threatens to sue IBM, I’m supposed to talk them out of it.”  The bitter, hate-filled divorce had left him sad, not angry.  


A disassembled player piano was spread over the floor of his garage.  Gordon asked me to reassemble.  It would need some new parts, which would be costly, but of course he'd pay for them.  "I bought it for my midlife crisis," he said.  "I needed something beautiful and fun." 

To be a showpiece it would need more than new parts.  Gouges, water stains, cigar burns marked the woodwork.  This would be a monster of a project.  "I have no idea how to assemble a player piano.  But for pay, I'll give it a try."

"I'll start tracking down the parts," Gordon said.

As I rewired the garage, Gordon chatted with me.  He seemed to regard me as some kind of parallel universe that he might have entered but had chosen not to.  He wanted to know about my adventures in the 1960s as a war-protesting, pot-smoking, hitchhiking hippie.  And the girls.  Was everybody really fucking everybody? 

Well, no.  I told him it wasn't nearly as wild as he might imagine, that I'd had a steady girlfriend who was now my wife, and that mostly in the Sixties I had been work-studying my way through college as a dishwasher, fry cook, school bus driver, and light bulb changer.

"I completely missed the Sixties," he said.  "Back then, I was still trying to be president of IBM."

A young woman showed up.  Gordon introduced her as Miranda.  She looked as I would expect a daughter of Gordon to look, except instead of the female equivalent of pinstripes, she was dressed as a college student and had the body of a dancer, lithe, light on her feet.  She had lift as they say — a posture as if a skyhook were attached to her chest, lifting her as she moved.  Dark-haired, energetic, she was carrying an armload of college textbooks including Introduction to Art History.  I liked her immediately. 

"Are you fixing the piano?" she asked.

"Maybe," I said.  "It might be more than I can handle."

"Isn't it weird?" She laughed.  "Like a jukebox from another century.  He bought it for me."

Gordon coughed.  Recovering, he asked me to build a platform in his garage where he could store some boxes and suitcases.  "I know I should do it myself," he said.  He swept his hand in a circle, indicating the entire townhouse.  “I’m planning to stay here for the rest of my life and have to accept the fact that I’ve reached the point where I have to pay for certain services I used to take for granted.”

Miranda blushed.  I hadn't thought Gordon was talking about that.  But she blushed.

A couple months later, Gordon called me:  "Remember that player piano?"

"Yes.  Did you get the parts?"

"No.  I want that thing out of my garage.  You want it?  Will you take it away?"

I was tempted.  Wouldn't it be cool to have a player piano in one's living room?  But I declined.  Already I had three little kids at home, beautiful and fun.

Now, though, twenty-five years later, sometimes in daydreams I look back.  The pleasure, the trophy I might have had — impractical, lovely, ridiculous.  The time, the money, the hard work it would have taken, the space it would have occupied in my house and in my life — the player piano is one of those things that got away, like a woman to whom I might have said "Let's get together sometime," and never did.  Thank goodness. 

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: The Handyman's Birthday

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Twelve

Birthday, August 19, 2010

Disrespected by English Departments,
Yet pleasantly I putter at Plum Court Apartments.
I free a bath fan mucky with dust,
loosen a tub drain hobbled by rust,
sand smooth some plaster where it feels warty,
silence a chair squeak with WD40
while among computer cables running through hallways,
a cat chases a marble. 
Play is play. 
Always.

Back home, late, family gathers.  As the honoree,
once rising young author
now turning sixty-three,
I blow out candles, cut cake slice by slice.
Unsung bard, good handyman,
I'm twenty-one thrice.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  This is Part Twelve — and the end — of the series.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Ladder Work

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Eleven

Ladder Work: One
Mrs. Robert T. Bunn


The proper lady, powdered,
introduces herself as
"Mrs. Robert T. Bunn"
so already it's going to be weird. 
Eighteen feet up a ladder I unscrew
a floodlight when, how freaky,
it simply
EXPLODES.
I almost fall.
Glass shreds my arm
like I fought with a tomcat
in midair.
Blood trickles down chin and neck.
"Oh dear.
What have you done?"
says Mrs. Robert T. Bunn.


Ladder Work: Two
Sunnyvale, California


Climb a ladder to inspect
the roof and suddenly
above dreck and sprawl
here’s a crisp
clear day
in Autumn…
Surrounded by sunlight.
Cooled by sea air.
Thank you, warm star.
Much obliged, San Francisco Bay.
A ridge of golden mountain casts
long shadows
over busy rolling beads
of bullshit traffic.
I feel blessed…



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Eleven of a series.

Monday, February 25, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: An American Dream

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Ten

An American Dream: Thursday, May 14, 1987

Replace another dishwasher.  Hot day again. 
Carrying out the old one I heave it up
to the dumpster — by myself —
and feel a POP
in my spine.
Why do I lift dishwashers?
Here's why: 

Ice strapped to my back,
I squat stiffly with pangs
as I tuck in my five-year-old.  He says,
“I don’t like to go to bed because sometimes I have dreams.”
“Everybody dreams," I say.  "Every night.”
He: “Once I had a bad dream.  It was called The American Dream.”
Me: “Oh really?  What was it about?”
He: “It was at the beach.  There
were all these bright color rocks. 
When you look closely at them, you can see little aminals."
(That's what he calls them: aminals.)
"A big wave came. 
It was so big, it followed us home. 
It went up one side of a hill and down
the other side into another ocean.”
Me: “Why was that called The American Dream?”
He: “I don’t know.  That’s what it said it was in the dream.”

I have a dream, many nights, which I don’t tell my son: 
I’m walking naked down a crowded sidewalk.
Nobody notices.  Nobody cares. 
That’s the writer’s bad dream.   It comes true.

We share love, myself and this boy.
That’s why I lift dishwashers.
We dream.  Sometimes badly.  But we dream.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Ten of a series.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Young Man, Young Woman

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Nine

Young Man

Young man clean-shaven
dressed for biz with a
go get 'em
suit and tie,
in a dark apartment
watches TV
at noon.
Why?



Young Woman

Steamy from the shower,
hair dripping,
her actual name, Cherie,
sweetly commands:
"Don't look at me."
Short robe, bare legs,
dimpled smile, so pert,
she waltzes
in bubble wrap,
where no one
gets hurt.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Nine of a series.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Quickie

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Eight

Quickie

I hear music from the upper floor.
Lickety-split I shut the door,
ring the bell. No response so I
let myself in again shouting my mission:
"Halloo!  Handyman!  I'll be in the kitchen!"

One must learn the rules, to be a handyman complete,
One respects tenant privacy.
One is discrete.

Loosening the faucet,
beneath the woolly bushing,
one slips an O ring,
gently pushing.
Next, one lubricates the threads with something smelly:
a dab of plumber's petroleum jelly.
Deep within the valve
where the leak is streaming,
one inserts the grinder
for a thorough reaming.
Let's not even mention,
(such things need no talk)
yielding with a sound like a squawk,
from the tube one squeezes
a fresh bead of caulk.

All the while with my repairs
I hear mellow music, murmurs,
human motion upstairs.

"All done!  Goodbye!"
Too busy,
they make no reply.

Closing the door
the key needs a jiggle.
From the window above
the sound of
soft giggles.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Eight of a series.

Friday, February 22, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Bountiful Gifts

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Seven


Bountiful Gifts

Back is cramping
sacrum misaligned
as in stabbing pain I replace
another garbage disposal while
the petulant blond babysitter
watches afternoon television.
She tells the toddler: "You can't come out
of the playpen until you stop crying."
She leans toward the screen, oblivious,
a loose blouse — nice, doubly nice —
we gaze, comrades, he and I.
The kid stops crying.
Sciatica, gone.
For a blessed moment
there is no suffering.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Seven of a series.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Somber Couple, No Choice

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Six

Somber Couple

Somber couple
speaking in whispers,
thick carpet with a
grand piano plus
hulking Hammond organ,
needlepoints on walls,
hushed, immaculate, church-like,
the kind of place where
I would not smile and
dare not fart.
I'm so wrong.
Later, working outside,
from within I hear rocking,
booming, booty-shaking
gospel.


No Choice: Sunday, July 3, Holiday Weekend

It's hot.
The whole world is at play.
Mostly I enjoy this gig but
must I work today?
Yes — no choice — to repair
leaks from a sink plus a loo that won't flush
for the young man
who follows me
with a toilet brush.
His wife watches,
freckled and frowning,
checking the to-do list
like deadly accounting.

He's puckered, mustached,
on his knees as he scrubs.
Must he clean after me
so soon and so much?
As if reading my mind,
he explains with a shrug:
"I'm sorry, you see, but
we're hopelessly Dutch."



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Six of a series.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Sometimes a Hero

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Five

Sometimes a Hero

A man is lying on the sidewalk on his back.
Heart attack.
A crowd gathers.
He's breathing hard, staring up at the faces.
Nobody knows how to help.
You're just a kid, not a doctor.
You wish you knew what to do.

At the playground two teens start fighting with knives.
You're just a kid.
You hide behind a bench and watch.
Ripped T-shirt.  A shriek.  There's blood like spilled paint. 
A cop could stop them.
You wish you knew how.

Years pass. 
College degree. 
You follow the money,
try to act like a grownup
but veer from the path.
Now you appear at Plum Court
where she's at the edge of panic: the pipe exploded
or the toilet backed up
or the garbage disposal makes a funny noise and smells like,
like garbage,
and you're the guy who knows how.
The little kid watches, squatting.
He wants to touch your tool belt.
You're the guy who knows what to do.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Five of a series.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Eviction

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Four

Eviction

Tenants splash and float
in the pool.  A baker of a day.
Sweat streams as I work.
The dude trashed the unit.
Holes in two doors.
A chair rammed through a wall.
Faucet ripped out, flooded.
Dishwasher disappeared.

The new occupant, a single woman,
Japanese, has a voice like music. 
On a pedestal she spreads
an embroidered pillow
with ornamental blanket
on which she beds
her Princess telephone. 
There will be no trouble here.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Four of a series.

Monday, February 18, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: New Tenants, Love Baby

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Three

New Tenants

Arabian girl
explosive hair
olive skin
pubescent
so thin
bare toes curling on the floor.
Father wants
a deadbolt lock
on her bedroom door.

Quietly she glares
eyes of dark jade.
He keeps both keys.
I do as paid.



Love Baby and Teen Boy

Last night a man kicked open her front door.
"Nothing like this has ever happened before,"
Manager Larry says with pursed lips.

The lady is cradling an ebony
infant in her arms.
"This one's my love baby
and he's all mine," she tells me.
"Love," she winks, "with a restraining order."

As I rebuild the splintered frame
a teen boy scowls in silence from across the room,
leg twitching, soul aflame.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Three of a series.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Gal in Twenty, Mucking

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part Two

The Gal in Twenty

Manager Larry says, "The gal
in Twenty is crazy. 
I hate her.  She’s throwing a fit.”
"What should I do?"
"Humor her.  Fix something.
It's the same old shit."

A towel rack is loose,
the shower head dribbles,
a door latch won't catch,
so many quibbles;
the vent fan rattles,
she can't switch on the light,
the phone has no tone.
She's entirely right.



Mucking

Mucking with a garbage
disposal as the young woman
applies make-up in her slip
— lush lips! —
ignoring me
while her roommate showers,
emerging damp-haired,
wrapped in a towel.
I exist as a handy
not as a man.



Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision of Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part Two of a series.

Friday, February 15, 2013

365 Jobs: Handyman Sketches: Plum Court

Don't Blame Me, I'm Just Here to Fix the Garbage Disposal: Part One

Plum Court

Plum Court Apartments is a clean sanctuary offering
asylum from all but a select part of the natural world.
There are no plums.  Nor trees of any sort.

Upscale units surround a concrete courtyard
engirdling a blue swimming pool.  Interiors
are furnished in plush style, most seating aimed
at a television.

Each unit has a tiny yard fenced in wrought iron.
All summer, near-naked multi-colored mothers
will be toasting in harsh sunlight while children splash
in the pool.  Kneeling, white-shirted, straw-hatted,
an old man will be planting bright flowers
in the itty bitty gardens.

Tinkering with a faucet here, a light switch there,
I wander wide-eyed, a tourist with a tool belt.



Or the short version:

You might call me a failure;
I call it a sport.
Regardless, here I am:
Handyman, Plum Court.




Note: Among my contracting jobs, for many years I've served as the on-call handyman for a group of townhouse-style apartments — or rental units — or whatever one should call an enclosed square of two-story dwellings in a subdivision in Sunnyvale, California.  It's steady money.  As a minor league writer, I need that.
I tried to summarize the experience in prose, but verse seems to work best.  Most of the events took place in the 1980s though a few are more recent.  This is Part One of a series.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

365 Jobs: Mammary Memory

February 13, 1988

Scheduling small jobs always involved a certain amount of guesswork — and inevitably, downtime.  With an hour between appointments you could often find me at a public library shedding sawdust into my chair as I scribbled furiously into the little notebook that was my journal.  One day I was doing exactly that at the Menlo Park Library while a man at a nearby table was doing pretty much the same thing, minus the sawdust.  Then suddenly he started whispering…


Her Breasts

The white-haired doddering gentle old man
in the crushing silence of the public library
blinking through spectacles
writes with shaking hands
in a pocket notebook
unaware that he is muttering to himself:
"Her breasts!  Her breasts!"

Eyes peer over books.  Pencils pause,
except the old man's.  Fingers
mark pages.  We await,
expectant, puzzled.  He has pulled a dusty volume
from the shelf of his memory
and still writing, whispers, hissing:
"Her breasts. . ."

I want to know: Was it in moonlight? 
Hurried?  Forbidden?
Dear woman, do you know that after half a century
not only your lover but a whole reading room
of men and women are sharing — are in awe of —
your stunning warmth:
"Her breasts!  Her breasts!"

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

365 Jobs: Lila Spear

October 1983 to July 1985

Lila Spear was a spry old woman living on the side of a hill in La Honda.  I liked her instantly.  The ceiling of her bedroom was sagging, leaking strings of dust from the attic onto the tufted coverlet of a double bed.  There was a single pillow, not in the center but off to one side. 

When I quoted my price, she flinched, then accepted.

That flinch still haunts me.

She had a bearing of pride mixed with resignation.  The interior was slightly spooky and had seen better days, but she kept it tidy.  She offered me drinks while I worked. 

There was a shed-like garage full of old lumber, which she said I could use.  The lumber was silent testament to the absent pillow — like a ghost.  Every house needs somebody to watch over it.

We'd chat, Lila and I, though I can't remember what we talked about except that once she asked if my back was hurting.  "It always hurts," I said. 

She nodded.  "We just keep going," she said.  "What else can we do?"

A year or two later I got a call from a lawyer representing her estate.  Lila had passed away.  Teenagers were breaking into the empty house and holding beer parties.  Would I go over and board up the windows? 

"Of course," I said. 

As it happened, I could do it right away.  There was lumber in the shed.



 

Lila Spear

had a wavering voice,
when I met her,
and a house full of memories
needing repair.

Monday, February 4, 2013

365 Jobs: Aargh!

February 4, 1986

I worked an entire weekend, Saturday and Sunday, repairing a fence and installing a gas pipe.  As I toiled, a tree crew was taking down a madrone. 

My client had no fireplace.  Score!  I loaded about a cord of unsplit firewood into my truck and brought it home.

Nobody mentioned at the time that the trunk had been covered by poison oak.  By Tuesday, though, it was obvious.

I have severe reactions.

I could try to write poetry that's uplifting, or inspirational, or philosophical.  Mostly, though, I just try to be true:


Aargh!

Bumpy red rash
head to toe
and it itches, itches, itches.
I'll scratch 'til it bleeds,
cursing at sons
of bitches, bitches, bitches.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

I Never See Them But

February 3, 1985


 

I Never See Them But

I feel them
scuttling
through my hair.
Are they really there?

Hundreds of
nits.
Out of my
wits!

Not nice.
Head lice.



In February 1985 my children were ages 8, 6, and 2.  I wonder what inspired this poem…

Friday, February 1, 2013

Lunch Break Haiku

February 1, 1986

Elegant lady
floats through McDonald's like a
swan in a bathtub.




Going through my old journals, I'm reminded that I used to try to write at least one poem every day.  They served the same function as an illustration — a sketch in the margin — nothing more, nothing less.  I'd jot them down on my lunch break.  On February 1, 1986 this haiku appeared.  Not a bridal gown but she was wearing a white dress, white shoes with high heels.
  Untouchable poise