Tuesday, May 24, 2011

365 Jobs, Day 144: Bad Toilet

Tuesday, May 24, 1977

Have you ever been furious at a toilet?  Has it ever become personal?  Have you ever shouted "FLUSH EVERYTHING AT ONCE!" to a contemptuous ceramic crapper?  Have you ever completely disassembled and reassembled a commode, replacing every replaceable part, and the damn thing STILL LEAKS?   

The Enemy


I have fixed water closets
for six years
but this particular piece of china
simply squatted there,
insolent white porcelain
leering
leaking
mocking my deadlines
flushing with a hiss and gurgle
that I swear was saying
Piss on you, Plumber.
Or as one of my ex-pat British clients said to me, "This loo ain't worth a shit." 


The particular loo that inspired my poem turned out to have an invisible hairline crack.

Meanwhile, my dog Quinn used to have a fascination with those same devices:

 



One day, alas, Quinn investigated too deeply.  From the other room I heard a splash, a flush, a hollow bubbling sound - then silence.  No one ever saw that dog again.

 

Just kidding...

No comments:

Post a Comment